Praveen and Me...what's up with that?
As my pictures tell, I am dating an Indian man from Kerala. We have been dating now for one year and a few months. Come February Praveen's work visa might expire. We want to get married but our options are limited since Praveen won't simply go to the court house and get married even though it was his idea in the first place. The reason I need advice has nothing to do with this however, the advice I need focuses more around another obstacle that is getting in the way of our possible chances of getting married and that is my weight. I am over weight let's just say by a lot...I am a proud secure BBW and lets just leave it at that. When me and Praveen met he said it didn't mind my weight because he "likes big girls" and he has a stash of "personals" to prove it. Now though Praveen is telling me he won't marry me unless I loose weight because Indian culture won't accept me and they will hate me for it. He also said that he won't stand up to his parents about my weight either. I feel a tad bit betrayed and slightly irritated if that is truly how he thinks "indian culture" is going to view me. I am a good person and I have worked my butt off for the things in my life. I paid my way through college and now take care of people with disabiliites. I know I am overwieght and I have begun to try to reduce it but what I want to know id when did we start to measure people by the size of their waistline instead of the size of their character. Exstremely pissed...please help!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mrs. A on -
Sorry that I'm just chiming in on this but I haven't been on for a while. I think we have a couple of things in common. One, I'm a fellow big girl and two, I'm married to a man from Kerala too. As others have pointed out, this situation should make you wonder if he's simply using weight as an excuse to cover other issues.
Manoj knew that when he met me, I was this size and he could take me or leave me. If I lost weight during the course of the relationship then great but if I didn't, I needed to be accepted as is. Fortunately, Manoj and his family were fine with me being the way I am. In fact, the very first time Manoj's family saw me, they commented on how good I looked in a Sari (I beg to differ but that's another issue). His sister and one of his cousins helped me get dressed at one of our wedding ceremonies and I was absolutely mortified at them seeing all my flawed body parts that clothes had hidden. However, they were absolutely wonderful and if they were offended by my size, it never showed on their faces or in their comments and trust me, I was watching. LOL. I do have to say, however, that I've discovered Manoj and his family are a little different in terms of their acceptance of certain things that other Indians may staunchly object to.
Perhaps Praveen didn't think it was going to get as serious as it has between the two of you and when it did, he began to realize that there would possibly some things his family wouldn't accept. On one hand you have to applaud him for saying something BEFORE you two got married. On the other hand, he should have never gotten together with you if size was going to be an issue. You have some decisions to make that only you can make. Despite what my personal opinion may be, I'm not going to say dump him. What I will say is to look at this from another angle. If you had a daughter and she was going through this same issue, what would be your advice to her? Only you know what you can tolerate within the walls of a relationship.
As far as the poster who said you aren't marrying the family, you have to realize that in Indian culture, you really are. Ties to family are strong there and if you have someone who is not going to stand up against family on an issue such as weight, you have to wonder what else he won't stand up to them about later in the marriage. My suggestion is to decide what's a deal breaker for you now and in the future. Good luck!
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