Praveen and Me...what's up with that?
As my pictures tell, I am dating an Indian man from Kerala. We have been dating now for one year and a few months. Come February Praveen's work visa might expire. We want to get married but our options are limited since Praveen won't simply go to the court house and get married even though it was his idea in the first place. The reason I need advice has nothing to do with this however, the advice I need focuses more around another obstacle that is getting in the way of our possible chances of getting married and that is my weight. I am over weight let's just say by a lot...I am a proud secure BBW and lets just leave it at that. When me and Praveen met he said it didn't mind my weight because he "likes big girls" and he has a stash of "personals" to prove it. Now though Praveen is telling me he won't marry me unless I loose weight because Indian culture won't accept me and they will hate me for it. He also said that he won't stand up to his parents about my weight either. I feel a tad bit betrayed and slightly irritated if that is truly how he thinks "indian culture" is going to view me. I am a good person and I have worked my butt off for the things in my life. I paid my way through college and now take care of people with disabiliites. I know I am overwieght and I have begun to try to reduce it but what I want to know id when did we start to measure people by the size of their waistline instead of the size of their character. Exstremely pissed...please help!
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by STAGE on -
Indian culture outside of the spirituality really makes no sense to me (when we think about logic that is). Now, as far as weight is concerned, just lose the weight, eat Indian food and gain it back just to show how stupid the concept really is of being in shape in the first place. Gotta love that curry. :)
P.S.
If you both really love one another, the both of you will have to make a great sacrifice; or one or both of you. Thats what will save your situation and right now he needs your help in staying. If he is going to be ignorant because of a stupid thing like weight instead of gaining citizenship and being with you forever......he's kinda stupid. I am what you can call a cultured person, but I don't really care for my own culture. This is why I can give an objective approach. People > Belief
-
Permalink Reply by iNDi on -
Man O Man... Theresa how could I say this to you?
If that is his real reaction... and he's not changing his mind anytime soon, DUMP HIM!
If this all true, then he's been a real arse.
U deserve a Lot better Man then this idiot... Maybe you should trying visiting India sometimes... too many quality men u will get to meet there.
You could have a lot better life then this because he Doesn't deserve you!
The world is a Huge place, pls. open your mind :-)
Post your new profile on Match.com right now..
I wish u the best of luck.
-
Permalink Reply by STAGE on
-
Well said nDn. It's about people not their beliefs. If they are going to be with each other they should start believing in one another.
nDn gUy said:Yes, this is coming from another Indian man!
-
Permalink Reply by EmpressAmethyst on -
I'm in agreement, dump him! You deserve someone to love you for you. It shouldn't matter how his culture will see you or anything. It should be about his feelings for you and it doesn't seem like he has them. Relationships, let alone interracial ones are hard enough. You both have to be willing to do what's necessary if you want it to work. He sounds like a total jerk.
-
Permalink Reply by Stacee on -
Aww...I'm soo sorry you are going thru this! You guys look so happy from the pix. Yes, I know that you love him, but he did you a huge favor by showing you his true colors and finding this out BEFORE you married him. You are beautiful just the way you are. If there is anything about yourself that you don't like, I'm all for changing it, but don't do it for a man, especially one who takes that tone with you and shows you that he doesn't love you. It sounds like he is using your weight as an excuse with his weak minded self! He probably never had any intentions on marrying you. And even if he did at some point, consider this a blessing because you don't want any man in your life who doesn't possess the same values that you do. Ugh! I cannot stand shallow people! Tell him on his way out the door, to find some depth because his weak a$$ lacks character. I'd hate to see how he handle's a real crisis. Get real dude! Anyway, this may be God's way of getting your attention. He has someone else better for you and He cannot bring him into your life until you get rid of the garbage that has been clogging up your house this past year. I would not let him waste anymore of your time...a year is too long already. And from the looks of his pix, he don't look slim, himself......while he's sitting up there, criticizing you. What better way to go into the New Year, than bringing it in loving yourself and knowing that you made the best decision for your own interest....Be encouraged and empowered!
-
Permalink Reply by Maya on -
I decided to write my response over lol. Because I thought about it, I remember when my Indian mate's mum came up to me when we were all out to eat and was like, "Maya, you need to watch it! Your butt is getting kind of big!" At first I was excited because I have always wanted a really large bum, but then I though about it and I was like hey!, that was a shot at my weight! It hurt my feelings kind of. I really did not know how to take it! I found myself trying to lose weight so she would not say anything the next time she saw me :0(. Our situations are different and yet similar. Similar in the fact that one would mention weight rather than go off of sheer personality and disregard aesthetics :0( (sad world we live in). You should just be straight forward with him I think. Tell him how it is. If you do lose the weight, don't do it for him. Do it for yourself! There is something beautiful about every woman no matter what color she is, how big she is, how small she is...we all have something...so if he is not able to see past your weight and see what really matters (because weight ain't shit)-Then yea, Dump him...It might hurt, but its probably for your own good babes.
-
Permalink Reply by Stacee on
-
Hmm. Maya that's odd that your mother n' law said that (is it okay to call her that? hehe) because I thought most Indian men were like black men, in that they embrace curvy women....and that indian women were proud of this. Well, thinking back, I had a class with this indian girl last semester and we became really cool. I remember her telling me that her boyfriend told her she was gaining weight, so she wanted to start working out and asked me when did I usually go. And she looked like she could not be bigger than a size 7/8. I told her do not lose weight for him! They had only been dating for a couple months at that time too. But with my experiences, besides that incident, I thought the indian and black culture had this same common ground. I agree tho, there is something beautiful about every woman and any man that takes issue with a woman's physical appearance, is his problem and needs to be a part of her past. .
Maya said:I decided to write my response over lol. Because I thought about it, I remember when my Indian mate's mum came up to me when we were all out to eat and was like, "Maya, you need to watch it! Your butt is getting kind of big!" At first I was excited because I have always wanted a really large bum, but then I though about it and I was like hey!, that was a shot at my weight! It hurt my feelings kind of. I really did not know how to take it! I found myself trying to lose weight so she would not say anything the next time she saw me :0(. Our situations are different and yet similar. Similar in the fact that one would mention weight rather than go off of sheer personality and disregard aesthetics :0( (sad world we live in). You should just be straight forward with him I think. Tell him how it is. If you do lose the weight, don't do it for him. Do it for yourself! There is something beautiful about every woman no matter what color she is, how big she is, how small she is...we all have something...so if he is not able to see past your weight and see what really matters (because weight ain't shit)-Then yea, Dump him...It might hurt, but its probably for your own good babes.
-
Permalink Reply by Maya on
-
Stacee,
Yea, I was rather perturbed by his mom's comment lol. But then I am used to those types of comments from my grandmother, my mom, and my aunties. They will say, hey! You need to watch it girl! (making a reference to any woman in our family who might be on the heavy side)-But the truth of the matter is that I was a bit big lol. I told my mom about it (thinking she would side with me), but she was like, well, you do need to lose some weight! I was like, dang ma. lol. But she is really sweet and humble...she kind of pulled me off to the side while at dinner and told me to watch it while we were kind of away from everyone else. BUT MOREOVER! (LOL), when it comes to losing weight for a man, that is a no no. You have to do it as a commitment to self whether it be that you want to maintain a healthier lifestyle for yourself or because you want to look sexier for the opposite sex (a lot of us do it for the second reason I think)..Either way, every woman wants to feel sexy and having a man tell you that you are too big because of xyz is not right. Big women are sexy too. Like I said, I have some overweight friends who hold it down on the big girl tip! Some men actually only like big women! (My uncle is one of them lol)-You have to love yourself no matter what size you are. That is what matters most. I want to say to Theresa, never settle for less! There is something wrong with everybody and WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES in some sort of way. But guess what? that is okay! We would not be human if we were perfect.
As for Indian people not finding big women as attractive, I don't think that is the case. I think that is just some preference he has on his own. Like I said before, My mom always says stuff to my sisters and I if we are gaining weight and really tries to provokes us to not necessarily be skinny as hell, but not be overweight.~and yea, Mom, is def. not Indian lol. Like you said Stacee, it is more acceptable in Black culture for a woman to be more shapely-but I come from a line of women on my Mom's side who were all 5"4 or shorter and nobody weighs over 135 pounds so go figure. But good luck chic. I am sure everything will work out fine.Stay positive!:D
Stacee said:Hmm. Maya that's odd that your mother n' law said that (is it okay to call her that? hehe) because I thought most Indian men were like black men, in that they embrace curvy women....and that indian women were proud of this. Well, thinking back, I had a class with this indian girl last semester and we became really cool. I remember her telling me that her boyfriend told her she was gaining weight, so she wanted to start working out and asked me when did I usually go. And she looked like she could not be bigger than a size 7/8. I told her do not lose weight for him! They had only been dating for a couple months at that time too. But with my experiences, besides that incident, I thought the indian and black culture had this same common ground. I agree tho, there is something beautiful about every woman and any man that takes issue with a woman's physical appearance, is his problem and needs to be a part of her past. .
Maya said:I decided to write my response over lol. Because I thought about it, I remember when my Indian mate's mum came up to me when we were all out to eat and was like, "Maya, you need to watch it! Your butt is getting kind of big!" At first I was excited because I have always wanted a really large bum, but then I though about it and I was like hey!, that was a shot at my weight! It hurt my feelings kind of. I really did not know how to take it! I found myself trying to lose weight so she would not say anything the next time she saw me :0(. Our situations are different and yet similar. Similar in the fact that one would mention weight rather than go off of sheer personality and disregard aesthetics :0( (sad world we live in). You should just be straight forward with him I think. Tell him how it is. If you do lose the weight, don't do it for him. Do it for yourself! There is something beautiful about every woman no matter what color she is, how big she is, how small she is...we all have something...so if he is not able to see past your weight and see what really matters (because weight ain't shit)-Then yea, Dump him...It might hurt, but its probably for your own good babes.
-
Permalink Reply by Maya on
-
sorry, I had to come back and make one more comment. Theresa, I was looking at your page and I saw pictures of Praveen (YOU TWO ARE SUPER CUTE BTW :0D) But, ummm, he is not to small himself! maybe you should tell him that you can't bring him home because he is on the chubby side!lol...I know stuff like this is hard and it probably hurt you (which is why you chose to talk about it)-But no harm intended, Praveen or his family is in no position to discriminate because number one its just flat out wrong and number two its contradictory because Praveen is rather chubby himself.
-
Permalink Reply by Eddie N on -
Theresa, if Praveen is saying you are too fat (not true, by the way), you should tell him "Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black". I am always amused when people criticize others for a flaw when they have that flaw themselves. Remove the plank from your own eye before you remove the speck in mine.
I think it's time to have The Talk. Praveen, for reasons as yet unknown, seems to have developed cold feet and is falling back on the lie of "my culture will not accept you because of your weight". That is the symptom, you need to find out the true disease. Why is he all of sudden realizing that your weight is such a problem, and only when you raised the issue of marriage? How convenient.
Don't change for a man, if you wish to lose weight, then do it for yourself. Reason being: your man says he wants you to lose weight, you lose weight, and yet he still leaves you. Net reason: you have lost twice. But if you determine for yourself that you want to lose weight, whether or not the dude stays, you are happy. This advice applies to cutting your hair, getting a boob job (augmentation or reduction), moving house, changing your job, etc. etc. Don't let ANY ONE make you make a change that YOU YOURSELF are not willing to make.
Finally, be prepared to dump his ass if it turns out that he's just been stringing you along for almost two years. nDn gUy is absolutely correct, India is a huge country, there are multiple millions of men available to you if this one is behaving like an ass. His loss. I also agree with Stacee:Tell him on his way out the door, to find some depth because his weak a$$ lacks character. I'd hate to see how he handle's a real crisis. Get real dude! Anyway, this may be God's way of getting your attention. He has someone else better for you and He cannot bring him into your life until you get rid of the garbage that has been clogging up your house this past year. I would not let him waste anymore of your time...a year is too long already
-
Permalink Reply by STAGE on
-
Indian men are not like black men. Black men and hispanic men have more in common when it comes to observation of women. It's kinda within the culture, especially here in America.
Stacee said:Hmm. Maya that's odd that your mother n' law said that (is it okay to call her that? hehe) because I thought most Indian men were like black men, in that they embrace curvy women....and that indian women were proud of this. Well, thinking back, I had a class with this indian girl last semester and we became really cool. I remember her telling me that her boyfriend told her she was gaining weight, so she wanted to start working out and asked me when did I usually go. And she looked like she could not be bigger than a size 7/8. I told her do not lose weight for him! They had only been dating for a couple months at that time too. But with my experiences, besides that incident, I thought the indian and black culture had this same common ground. I agree tho, there is something beautiful about every woman and any man that takes issue with a woman's physical appearance, is his problem and needs to be a part of her past. .
Maya said:I decided to write my response over lol. Because I thought about it, I remember when my Indian mate's mum came up to me when we were all out to eat and was like, "Maya, you need to watch it! Your butt is getting kind of big!" At first I was excited because I have always wanted a really large bum, but then I though about it and I was like hey!, that was a shot at my weight! It hurt my feelings kind of. I really did not know how to take it! I found myself trying to lose weight so she would not say anything the next time she saw me :0(. Our situations are different and yet similar. Similar in the fact that one would mention weight rather than go off of sheer personality and disregard aesthetics :0( (sad world we live in). You should just be straight forward with him I think. Tell him how it is. If you do lose the weight, don't do it for him. Do it for yourself! There is something beautiful about every woman no matter what color she is, how big she is, how small she is...we all have something...so if he is not able to see past your weight and see what really matters (because weight ain't shit)-Then yea, Dump him...It might hurt, but its probably for your own good babes.
Latest Activity
GORGEOUS :)
This is a very good look Leonardrashid
I am Kendra from London. Live with my husband. I don't come in here as often as before. A combination of being busy and forgetting to check stuff.
Very gorgeous. That is why I love to attract black woman :-)
© 2010 Created by BNk (Admin)
